Endless Thoughts

Sometimes, the hardest part of any process is letting go.

Most of the time things just end without giving you any kind of closure.
Questions eat away at you as you sit there in a mind numbing trance, trying to recollect lost memories, things you've filed away for later and never thought you would need.

My life is full of questions that were never really answered.

Usually I have to wait it out. Wait till I come to this place where my mind has just had enough of the torture and has realized, it's over.

I thought too much and now I'm upset enough to not be sad anymore. I'm upset because I still have questions, but not sad enough to ask them.
I let go.

I have a hard enough time speaking my thoughts, writing them can get confusing and jumbled, but at least I can write them down.

Sometimes loving someone isn't enough. You love and you learn and you move on.

I'm not in a place where I care much for wanting someone else. I really don't.

I still think about all the times I've laid next to you, rubbing your back in the morning as we start to wake up.
Eating frozen yogurt as friends and leaving knowing we wanted to be together.
That first kiss, in a crowded restaurant where I was entirely too shocked to say anything.
That first date, that turned into a silly movie night, which led to a crazy turn of events.
Trips and plans and friends and love.
I know I wasn't a good girlfriend at the end, not for awhile.
I pulled away because we were getting serious and I didn't want to be tied down to here. I pulled away, not because I didn't want to be with you, but because I didn't want to lose myself in you, like I always do in relationships, like what I thought was already happening.
I didn't want to just be another girl, giving into someone else's wants.

I loved you, I do love you. I pushed you away and you deserved to be upset about it.
I didn't try hard enough and it really did take losing you to know I didn't want to.
I found myself again, but lost my love at the same time.
I get it. But I'm letting go.

You chose this, I'll accept it now. I still don't want to be friends...because all I can think about is kissing you and so much more.
So, to the end of us.
Now it's just you.. and then there's me, somewhere else.

I hope everything is the way you want it to be, you'll be a great musician if you keep working at it.

Listen to Adele - Water Under the Bridge

Cheers.