The beginning - 2016

Have you ever had to make an important decision that's going to affect your immediate future in just a couple months?

2016 has started out with a bang and I wouldn't necessarily say it's of the good kind.
Newly single, but not wanting to be and struggling to figure out what it is I want and where I'm going.

Who knew that 24 would be my most difficult year for decisions and love. I didn't have a clue...

Yes, I've put myself in this precarious position. Wanting to stay so badly to figure things out (hopefully) with the guy I hurt, but also having to choose if leaving is still a better fit for me.

I finally heard back about the opportunity I was so ready for at the end of December, being able to go and teach two young girls in Tibet.
But having so much time to think about things, I've realized a very key things as to why the flame I had for this has died down, I was trying to run away from everything here.
Not because anything was bad, but because I was feeling claustrophobic. I was feeling suffocated by everything here. My work, my friends, my relationship, and not because anything was going wrong, but because I just felt like I wasn't doing what I really wanted.

I'm not the best at explaining how I feel, but right now, I can honestly say that I am extremely exhausted.
I'm tired and I'm still struggling to put myself together after my love life crumbled.
I'm tired of pushing myself away, when in reality, that's not what I wanted at all.

I've been trying to run away from things for awhile now. Things get too serious, I panic and look for a way out, while pulling back and creating this giant bubble around myself.

Is this a test? What is the right answer for me?
Go or stay?

My relationship seems to be over..but I am still not sure if I want to go. This year is stressing me out.
What more, is that the timing of everything has to be quick.
Today is the day for decisions and I don't think I'm quite ready to make them.

I want love. I want adventure. But I also want to stay sane this year. What's next?