To Be.

You know when you look outside and you see the trees and you can hear the birds chirping and the world in which nature surrounds you is prevalent?

You look upon it as if you're seeing something different you've never seen before. It's as if you had just begun to see for the first time. That feeling you get when you've been sitting in the dark for too long, but once you step into the light it's almost like rebirth.

The sun shines down into your eyes, blinding, almost hurting, but to the point that you couldn't give a care in this absolutely beautiful world because you're seeing it and feeling it. This feeling, this sight is something you cannot grasp and it's also something that cannot be put into words easily.

I may be describing it but it's not entirely there, it's more just like a fleeting sense of what's happening.
The world is there and it's going, moving without our understanding, we barely see it, but it's still in it's rotation.

So much in this life has to be felt, because if you can't feel it, is it really there.
If you couldn't feel the rain, the droplets falling from the sky onto your skin, would it be raining?
If you couldn't feel your heart flutter, filled with butterflies at the sight of someone you've grown to trust and love, would you in fact be in love?
If you couldn't feel the breeze blowing between the leaves on the trees, rustling your hair away from your shoulders, would the wind actually be blowing?

All of these things we've come to know, we know because of feeling it, knowing it, sometimes seeing it.
You know that feeling you get when you step out into the day, ready and willing to be a part of it, whatever that may be? That feeling that assures you that you are, in fact, alive. That feeling needs to be there, to propel you forward into the days to come. To push you and make you feel what's at your very core, to make you feel exactly what it is that drives you to do what you want to do.

What is it that makes you feel excited to take that step?
What is that feeling you've felt, that strips away every depressive state you've been in before?
Take a deep breath, walk out into the sun, and feel what it is you are.

You are more than just a body and you are more than just where you are and who you surround yourself with. You are a part of this Earth and it feels you more than you could ever imagine to feel it.
Nature encompasses who you are and you have to feel what you're here to do.

Every day brings new light to the world. Every day shares a new feeling.
Feel that brightness cascade down your body and reflect into what you do.

Everyone has the power to be something. Anything. Full of light.
I feel ready, to be.

Life as I Know It

You know what's funny (but not really that funny) is that it took me 24 and a half years to figure out that I need to let go of my stupid un-spontaneous nature and just let go.
I need to let go and do what I want to do.
Life is about more than just letting the world tell you to get a job and do that for the rest of your life, maybe making some good memories along the way, but also wasting away in something you really don't give a shit about.

I am not going to do that anymore. It is decided. While still not entirely spontaneous, I have planned out the rest of my year.
My friends from different states are coming to visit soon and I couldn't be more excited!
Weddings and what not in July, big trip to Thailand after that.
Staying around till our big deadline in October (and saving as much money as I can along the way) and then in November I'm gone.

Happy Birthday to me, I'm leaving the very first part of November to get the hell out of here.
Anywhere has been calling my name for the last 2 years at least and it's finally time to go.
I'm fed up, exhausted, and just plain done with everything that I'm so used to.
Haven't you ever just needed a change? Of scenery, of people, of life.

Nepal is where I have found a great opportunity to volunteer and stay for 3 months. While yes, I will be paying my whole way to be there, in the end it will be entirely worth it for many reasons.
Hopefully after that, Tibet? Maybe...if that works out for next year.
I wish I hadn't been such a terrible person and turned it down while I had the chance for this year, but next year I will be ready if it comes available to me.
I have to move home to my moms and get all my crap together, but once the time hits, I'm outta here.
For awhile I'm hoping.

Kathmandu, I'm coming for you. Be ready, November 2016.