Life vs. Love

I love to travel and I love where I grew up, really I could be anywhere but in the end I'm sure I'd always want to come home in the end.
Just because I love my home, doesn't mean I have to stay there forever. That seems to be the thing that has been weighing on my thoughts lately, the decision people have to make between either following what they truly want to do or staying back and settling for what they have.

The question I have is, why does there have to be a choice?

Recently, I signed up for another trip out of the country with a group I've traveled with before, EF College Break.
My family and friends supported me and were even envious of my travels, past and future.
One of my friends decided that she would love to go with me and talked through the process with her husband and family to see if she could do it. Everyone was for it and she was entirely excited to be able to go with me, financially she would have to figure it out, but traveling is so worth it!

Today, I was talking to her about the trip and she thought for some reason it was full and I told her she had just forgotten to check a box and it was still available (it's over a year away, there would be plenty of time) and I reminded her of the dates.

She promptly texted me back to say, "Oh, I can't go those dates, that's my anniversary."
I was a little shocked, but I thought I could reason with her by suggesting she'll have many more and that when will she have an opportunity to do this again?
Again, her reply was blunt, "that's not how we see things."

I can tell you now that I'm still surprised at her answer. That an anniversary would stop her from venturing out and doing something she's always wanted to do.
I know she'll never get this chance again and she's throwing it all away for an anniversary that comes around every single year.
She tried to get me to change dates, but I said no. I planned this because this is when I wanted to go, I'm not changing them, it would be more expensive to go earlier and I can't go later for multiple reasons.

This is the conundrum, why is she willing to settle for so much less than what she actually wants?
Love is extremely important in life, but life without adventure and happiness in living out your dreams, that's not a very great life even with love.
Her husband doesn't like to travel and I know they'll never go that far away. So I will most likely be off by myself, which is entirely fine by me.
I feel sad for her, because I just don't see why an anniversary is so much more important.

I love love, but I also love to travel in my life. If my love doesn't want to come, I'll go alone, whenever I want.
Maybe that's just the independent side of me, maybe I just don't care, maybe I'm slightly selfish, but I've settled too much in my life already to not follow my dreams and to let people drag me down.

I can love someone and travel on my own, that's the beauty of life. It's sad some people put so much stake in what they have just right in front of them when there's so much more to the world than that.

I know that I'm sort of just ranting now, but it's hard to help it.
Anyways, from my life to yours.

Cheers and safe travels!

Post realization.

Realizing you may have made a horrible choice, well, that's life.
I'm not the smartest when it comes to relationships and usually I don't get the miracle of a brain epiphany till it's too late.

When it comes to being in a relationship, I'm scared out of my mind. Many factors have played into this over the years to where it makes sense, but I'm so annoyed that it's still screwing up my mind in how I think about things.

Here is the quick back story: I was in a relationship on and off for 8 years, which is a long time by that couple standard. He eventually ended it "for me" when we all know he was done and wanted to move on (with one of his coworkers).
I don't have a lot of room for trust in relationships and after this critical breakup, I realized I had been living my life and planning it around him.
He was the center of MY life, not me. I was giving up a lot of my life dreams and goals because I was with someone with no motivation in life.
So ultimately, I got over it and I was glad we weren't together anymore. I grew up, I moved and got a better job.

Fast forward to now. I was in a great relationship, with fun adventures and open communication.
So why did I decide I wanted to end things?
In all honesty, thinking about it the day after, I don't know.

I was scared. I was scared of giving up my dreams again. I was scared he wouldn't want to go with me and I didn't want to drag him around on my dream if it wasn't his.
I didn't want to be stuck here, waiting for things to happen if they weren't. I was afraid to love because I'd been hurt so many times before.
I wasn't able to open up because trust is such an important part of a relationship and I wasn't ready to relinquish my hold on my heart and my emotions. I'm still putting back together the pieces of my heart, even though I'm over my ex I don't know that I'm ready yet to do that.
I wasn't ready to be vulnerable. I'm a strong person and I want that to show in every aspect of me, so it's really hard for me to let my guard down and just let someone in.

It was my fault. I started pulling away because things were getting too serious. I wouldn't let myself be too affectionate and I wouldn't let myself love him, because who knew where this was going to go.

I thought I had wanted to be alone when in reality, I just didn't want to get hurt...again.
I still want to get away and pursue my dreams and goals. To move away and to travel all that I can.
I just wasn't sure if I wanted him to come with me. I thought deciding to go on my own would make things easier. I didn't realize how much I cared until I pulled the plug.

I cared a lot more than I thought. Maybe I even do love him but I wasn't willing to admit it.

I honestly don't know what I think anymore. Confusion has been a never ending thing for me lately.
Just keep swimming right?