Today is the anniversary of when my dad passed away 2 years ago.
Sometimes when I see pictures of him or even when I just think about him like he used to be, I think there's no way he could be gone. He's just on another trip and he'll be home soon, like he usually is 3 or so times during the year..
I miss him and it makes me sad because while I think about him a lot sometimes, it feels like its been longer than 2 years that he's been gone and I'm not sure how I feel about that.
I feel entirely too bad for my mom and I know that holds me back some from getting out and doing what I want to. I'm the strong one in the family so I'm there when people need me and she still does.
I know she misses him more than anything and I wish I could talk to her about it, but I'm not good for that. I don't like getting into emotional conversations with my family, it's too much for me, too awkward.

Anyways, we're getting by. I'm helping but I want to get out. I'm giving my mom time and I hope she starts to take more advantage of it. I know she's been thinking about it too, but nothing has really been set into motion at all and that's kind of scary.

My dad was the best. Before he passed away he was in his 60's and still playing sports like volleyball and indoor soccer, which is crazy to think that he was more in shape than me, his 20 year old daughter! I love my dad, he was a great guy.
I will never forget him being there when I graduated from high school and got my AA from college.
I will also never forget him telling me before this day 2 years ago that he was really proud of me...
I know he would still be proud of me too which is what I strive for on a daily basis.

Miss you. RIP Dad.

Never give up.

This past year has been full of ups and downs and so many changes it's been hard to wrap my head around it, but in the end I'm so happy for where I'm at now.
At the start of 2014 I thought things were going ok.
I was still with the same guy I'd always been with, wandering down the road towards the future we thought we would have. I thought things were getting better with us, but we still fought a lot and that's never really pleasant, but it's normal in relationships, right?
Anyways, we made it to just about our three years and a jealous fight turned into a break up. That was the start to my summer.
That lead to a domino effect of things that seemed to happen from that point on.
I got my first actual dog bite, signed up for a Europe trip on my own, started going out more, went out with new guys, and got a new job...and found new friends!
Who knew from one ending could come so many new beginnings?
From that horrible, horrible ending came something that I needed, respect for myself.
That relationship that I had been in was unhealthy and I learned that I didn't want someone like the person I was settling for. There is so much more out there and someone is going to make me a lot happier than I could ever think.
The hard part is waiting, of course, but I think that it'll be worth it. I know I have time, I have a myriad of time to be me and to find someone who is going to love me for that and respect me and the life I live. As well as someone that I can respect as well.
I think as a growing woman, I'm still constantly learning and I know I still have a lot to work on with myself, but I know that I'm making steps in the right direction and I couldn't be happier with that.
Life is all about what YOU make it. While I didn't choose to be alone at the time, I wish I would have long before that. I needed to be independent and I needed to make some critical decisions and changes within myself and my life and I did that.
I know there will always be obstacles in life, but I'm trying to constantly keep my head up, because what else can you do? Hope will get you through. Faith will get you through. There's so much out there, sometimes it just takes one thing to set everything else into motion.

All in all, I couldn't be more excited for what life and God has in store for my future.
I'm impatient for it.
Just another thing to work on!